🙂 I’m back !! … Como siempre, tratando de aportar un poquito al noble, complejo y feliz mundo de la Maternidad / Paternidad !!!! …. Enjoy !! 🙂
In high school, I had what can only be described as an epiphany.
One day, while walking to Spanish class, an older girl approached me in the hall. She sneered, scrutinized me from head to toe, and then laughed as if she’d just heard a hilarious joke. Except it was just the two of us in the hall. I felt horrible. Then the epiphany struck me—I would never, ever be that girl; instead of making others feel bad, I could make them feel good. It was like a switch had just flipped inside of me. If it was so easy to belittle others and degrade them, it must be just as easy to build them up. And it was!
In life, there are two types of people: builders and bulldozers. Builders are optimistic; they support and strengthen everyone around them. Builders encourage, compliment, and treat others with kindness. They build confidence in anyone they encounter. Bulldozers tear others down. They use negativity, critical words, and harsh judgements to make others feel inadequate.
We’ve all encountered builders and bulldozers, and we all remember how they made us feel. Chances are, we’ve all been both builders and bulldozers at some point in time. With bullying reaching epidemic proportions, 1 in 3 U.S. students report having been bullied at school in 2014. Isn’t it time to flip the switch? It truly is just as easy to treat someone with kindness as it is to be cruel.
That is one reason I decided to become a teacher. If I could make kids feel good about themselves, the long hours, minimal pay, and frustrating politics of teaching would be 100% worth it. Just walk through a high school hallway and it will break your heart to hear the things kids say about each other, both behind their backs and to their faces. Everywhere they turn, our kids face bulldozers trying to tear them down. You suck. You’ll never be good enough. You are worthless.
The day I met Luis was the day I realized my most important responsibility in life was to be a builder. Luis sulked into my classroom, plopped himself into a desk, and put his head down. He did that the entire 45 minutes of class. In fact, he did that for three days, despite my requests for him to “wake up.” On the fourth day, when Luis plopped himself down and checked out before class even began, I walked over and plopped down in the desk beside him. I noticed his muscle car binder and commented on it. “Cool car, “ I said. “What kind is it?”
His head immediately perked and a spark entered his previously listless eyes. He proceeded to explain to me in vivid detail the awesomeness of this particular car. To make a long story short, Luis was the low man on the social totem pole of high school. He’d just transferred from a different school and left all of his friends behind. He was largely overweight and the target of teasing and terrible comments. How would it feel to be Luis? I imagine incredibly alone.
Every day when Luis came to class, I said at least one kind thing to him. Cool jacket, the Braves are having a good year. I loved reading your free-write about horses; where did you learn to ride? Hey Luis, that’s a great book—what do you think about… It was like no one had ever talked to him like that. Over the course of 16 weeks, Luis went from head down on the desk, zero participation, and not turning a single thing in, to getting involved and even making new friends. At the end of the semester, he left a small, gift wrapped box on my desk with a note that simply said, Thank you for being nice.
I’m not a teacher anymore. That has taken a back seat in my decision to stay at home with my three little children. Some days I miss teaching and having an important job to do. Then I think, “Duh! You are doing the most important job possible right now.” I am building little people who will become confident, kind, big people, who will soon face a world that is trying to tear them down. It is my job to build their foundations so strongly that when they come face to face with the bulldozers of the world, they will not crumble. It is my job to make sure they are builders and not bulldozers.
That being said, I am far from perfect. When I get frustrated, and tired, I say things I don’t mean. Why do you have to spill everything? Can’t you just listen for once? Those criticisms solve nothing. They never do any good; rather they leave my sweet babies in tears and me feeling utterly despicable. So now, I strive daily to give more encouragement and kind words. When my son spills his cereal all over the floor and looks up at me with tears welling in his eyes, waiting for the storm, I have two choices, and it’s crucial I make the right one. I can give into the storm and yell, or I can seek the sunlight and assure him that, “It’s okay, it was an accident. We all make mistakes. Can you help me clean it up?” It was just as easy to react with kindness as it would have been with anger. We all left happy.
Every day, we have opportunities to be builders or bulldozers—to our children, our spouses, our friends, to other people’s children, to acquaintances, to our colleagues, and to complete strangers. Every time we interact with a person, we have the chance to make them either feel better or worse about themselves. There are so many Luis’s out there. Some are hurting, some are broken. All of them need a builder on their side, bolstering them up.
The following quote has always stuck with me:
“You are good. But it is not enough just to be good. you must be good for something. You must contribute good to the world. The world must be a better place for your presence. And the good that is in you must be spread to others…” {Gordon B. Hinkley}
Six ways to be more kind:
1. Don’t tolerate bullying. Ever. If you see it, stop it in its tracks.
2. Compliment every person you speak to—your spouse, your neighbor, the bank teller…you get the point.
3. If you’re thinking something kind, always say it out loud. If your friend looks great today, tell her! If someone is good at their job, tell them!
4. Really listen to what people are telling you (kids are people too!).
5. Speak how you would like to be spoken to.
6. If you feel yourself losing it, don’t say anything…just wait and breath.
We builders have a lot of work to do.
¡¡ Qué Madres Estas !! 